Alone vs lonely: What’s the difference and why It matters

Over the past few years, many people in the world have experienced what it was like to be alone and lonely. The world felt isolated from the pandemic on a deep level, and some people understood that they were not only alone but also lonely.

These two terms seem the same, but they are actually very different. We live in a world that’s becoming increasingly individualistic, especially in Western cultures, where independence is often prized over community. According to Hofstede’s Cultural Dimensions Index, [1] countries like the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. score extremely high on individualism, meaning people are more likely to value self-sufficiency over social interdependence.

While this mindset fosters freedom and autonomy, it can also lead to isolation when support systems fade or disappear. Isolation can lead to loneliness, and research reveals that chronic loneliness can increase the risk of depression, disrupt sleep, impair immune function, and even lead to earlier death.[2]

However, loneliness isn’t the same as simply being alone. You can be physically isolated and feel grounded. Or you can be surrounded by friends — and still feel emotionally cut off.

This subtle difference between being alone and feeling lonely is more than just semantics. It affects our mental health, our relationships, and our ability to feel fulfilled.

What's the difference between alone and lonely?

Alone is a physical state of being by yourself.
Lonely is an emotional experience that can make you feel disconnected, unseen, or unloved, even in a crowd.

If you’ve explored mindfulness, you know solitude can be powerful. In fact, one study found that people who intentionally spend time alone report higher creativity and lower stress levels [3].

But solitude isn’t the same as emotional fulfillment.
Even when you choose to be alone, loneliness can still show up. Often in subtle, unexpected ways. Studies claim that most forms of loneliness have nothing to do with physical isolation. [4] Here’s the main difference: 

• Alone is s physical state. It’s simply the absence of company.

• Lonely is an emotion, it is subjective and describes a feeling of sadness or abandonment.

In short: being alone is a choice or circumstance; feeling lonely is a signal that something deeper is missing.

Types of loneliness

It is important to note that loneliness is often, but not always, a result of being alone.
For example, you might feel very lonely in a crowd of people or at a party, with acquaintances. According to Gretchen Reuben of the Happiness Project, there are actually at least 7 types of loneliness:

1. New-situation loneliness – you’re new to a job, school, event, city, and you don’t know anyone.

2. I’m-different loneliness – you have a belief or an interest that differs from the people around you.

3. No-sweetheart loneliness – you might have friends and even a partner but you don’t feel a deep connection to that person/those people.

4. No-animal loneliness – you are someone that has a deep connection to animals and you feel something is very much missing when you don’t have them in your life.

5. No-time-for-me loneliness – you feel as though the people in your life are not making time for you like they used too or you’ve met someone new and you’d like to make the leap from friendly to friends but they don’t seem to have the time.

6. Untrustworthy-friends loneliness – you have friends that you have fun with but you doubt whether your friends actually care deeply about you are well-intended and trustworthy.

7. Quiet-presence loneliness – you might have a big social circle but you miss having someone to just hang out with quietly at home. Whether that’s a roommate, a partner, or a family member you want to experience the non-exciting moments with someone.

So as you can see, loneliness manifests in many ways, so you really are not alone in feeling lonely! However, being alone may give you some space to reflect and reconnect with your feelings, often bringing these feelings to surface. 

Solitude without loneliness 

Being alone and in solitude actually holds emotional benefits. Research shows that when you choose to spend time alone (rather than feel forced into it), your brain activates the default mode network, responsible for self-reflection, emotional regulation, and long-term memory processing [5].

A 2018 study also found that people who seek solitude for growth and not out of fear or rejection experience higher creativity and lower stress  [6].

This is how to use solitude to your advantage, instead of a catalyst for feeling lonely. Here’s what the science says happens when you spend time alone the right way (to nurture, instead of to isolate):

•  Enhanced creativity:
  A 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people who choose solitude report higher levels of creativity and lower stress [6].
  
  

• More dopamine and decision making:
  Intentional solitude can help regulate dopamine levels and activate the prefrontal cortex, which is the region of your brain tied to focus, emotional control, and decision-making. When solitude is chosen, not forced, it becomes a powerful tool for clarity and self-regulation, which is the very opposite of the disconnection we feel when we're lonely. [7]
  

• Reduced cortisol (stress hormone)
  Studies suggest that when regular alone time is paired with practices like mindfulness, it lowers cortisol levels, supporting long-term resilience and nervous system regulation. [8]
  

• Improved cognitive clarity
  Time away from overstimulation restores attention and executive function. One study found that even short periods of solitude can boost focus and decision-making ability.  [9]
  

• Healthier Relationships
  Solitude helps you build a stronger internal sense of self, which reduces emotional dependency in relationships. Research shows that individuals with greater self-awareness and emotional regulation experience more secure attachment patterns, leading to healthier boundaries and more satisfying relationships. [10]
  
  

How to not feel lonely when you're alone

So, how do you build a relationship with yourself? Or, in other words, how can you not feel lonely while you’re alone at home?

1. Create self-love habits

We often search for connection outside of ourselves and when we don’t feel it from others, we feel lonely. One way to shift this is to “court” ourselves by building habits into our daily lives that deepen our relationship with ourselves. This could include:

• Taking yourself on a “date” by going for a walk or a bike ride

• Looking at yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth with compassion and love. Learning what method of self-compassion works best for you.

• Thanking yourself for making your bed in the morning

• Getting dressed up even though you’re by yourself at home and complimenting yourself for how great you look!

• Think about someone you love and how that feels in your body. Now try to feel that same feeling, but for yourself

• Learning how to deal with negative self talk and overcome racing thoughts when you are alone 

2. Use question prompts

Try using prompts that can help foster more intimate conversations (like these cards) to ask yourself, your partner or your friends on zoom deeper questions. This will help to create a more meaningful connection to yourself and to the people in your life because they will invite you to get curious about more personal topics like your thoughts and feelings.

3. Meditate

Making meditation part of your self care routine can be rewording. One of the best ways to cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself through an improved sense of self-awareness is through meditation. Meditation helps us consciously learn to be alone with our thoughts and feelings while practicing the art of non-judgement and compassion – ie. being a loving and impartial witness to our own subconscious and conscious mind.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? It definitely takes practice, but with time and consistent practice, you’ll be able to learn more about yourself and increase your overall capacity for self-love, a key component in your mission to befriend yourself! You can use Muse’s guided meditations to help you learn how to sit in silence with yourself. Learning to meditate will support you in moving from a place of distraction and loneliness into a place of compassion and connection.

4. Shift your perspective by journaling

Use the Muse journaling feature to reflect on the positive aspects of being alone. For example, if you live alone in your apartment, you can look at the positives like how you don’t have to argue with someone because they ate your food, left a mess in the kitchen, or how you don’t have to wait to use the bathroom. Or, can simply help you remember to be thankful that you can afford to have a roof over your head.

Journalling can help us more consistently practice gratitude, which, more than any other positive emotion, has been scientifically proven to over-time enhance overall well-being.

5. Increase solo activities

Alone time creates amazing opportunities to do the things you love! If for example, you had Saturday night plans with a friend and they cancelled, try to use that time to engage in an activity that you normally wouldn’t have time to do but that you love doing!

If you feel upset that your friend cancelled, try to reflect on what is triggering your sadness. Maybe you are bored and that is why you actually feel sad. Acknowledging what is triggering you will help you to understand what activities you can do to feel better.

Whether you are alone right now, or in a room full of people, if you feel lonely know that it’s okay. Have compassion for yourself and give some of the above techniques a try!

By going inward through meditation and reflection you will come to understand the root cause of your loneliness. In understanding this you will be able to move through it, make necessary changes in your life, and before you know it spending time alone will actually become a chosen pastime.

Final thoughts: Turn alone time into a superpower

Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely, and learning to enjoy your own company might just be one of the most transformative skills you develop. Whether you're navigating a big life change, craving more self-connection, or simply trying to unplug from external noise, intentional solitude can give you the space to heal, reflect, and realign.

When used consciously, alone time becomes a portal to clarity, creativity, and deeper self-trust.

Muse can help you turn solitude into a superpower. Our brain-sensing headbands and guided meditations give you real-time insights into your mind, helping you train your focus, reduce stress, and build emotional resilience.

Explore Muse and start your mental fitness journey today.

Alone vs Lonely: Q&A

Q: What is the difference between being alone and feeling lonely?
A: Being alone is a physical state where you're by yourself, while feeling lonely is an emotional experience of disconnection or lack of meaningful connection, even in the presence of others.

Q: Can you feel lonely even when you're not alone?
A: Yes, loneliness is subjective and emotional. You can be in a crowd or with friends and still feel emotionally disconnected or unseen.

Q: Is being alone good for your mental health?
A: Yes, when chosen intentionally, solitude can support dopamine regulation, enhance creativity, reduce cortisol levels, and improve emotional regulation.

Q: How does solitude improve decision-making?
A: Solitude activates the prefrontal cortex, which plays a key role in decision-making, focus, and emotional control.

Q: What are the emotional benefits of spending time alone?
A: Intentional solitude can reduce stress, boost creativity, strengthen emotional regulation, and help build a more secure sense of self.

Q: What are the different types of loneliness?
A: Types of loneliness include new-situation, I’m-different, no-sweetheart, no-animal, no-time-for-me, untrustworthy-friends, and quiet-presence loneliness.

Q: How can I stop feeling lonely when I’m alone?
A: You can create self-love habits, meditate, journal, engage in meaningful solo activities, and use reflection prompts to build a deeper connection with yourself.

Q: Does mindfulness help reduce loneliness?
A: Yes, mindfulness supports emotional regulation, which can reduce feelings of loneliness and help strengthen connections with others.

Q: Can being alone improve relationships?
A: Yes, solitude helps you build a stronger internal sense of self, reducing emotional dependency and improving the quality of your relationships.

Q: Is loneliness always caused by being alone?
A: No, loneliness often stems from emotional disconnection, not physical isolation. Many people feel lonely despite being socially active.

Sources:

[1] Hofstede Insights. (n.d.). National culture. Hofstede Insights. Retrieved May 30, 2025, from https://www.hofstede-insights.com/models/national-culture/

[2] Cacioppo, J. T., & Hawkley, L. C. (2009). Perceived social isolation and cognition. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 13(10), 447–454. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2009.06.005 

[3] Nguyen, T.-V. T., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2018). Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation. Personality and Individual Differences, 120, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.08.004

[4] Rubin, G. (2008, July 2). Seven types of loneliness. The Happiness Project. https://gretchenrubin.com/2008/07/seven-types-of-loneliness/

[5] Nguyen, T. V. T., Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2018). Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44(1), 92–106. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073.

[6] Nguyen, T. V. T., Weinstein, N., & Ryan, R. M. (2018). The quality of motivation in solitude: Implications for well-being and creativity. Personality and Individual Differences, 123, 147–152. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.11.023

[7] Floresco, S. B. (2013). Prefrontal dopamine and behavioral flexibility: Shifting from an "inverted-U" toward a family of functions. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 7, 62. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2013.00062 

[8] Pascoe, M. C., Thompson, D. R., Jenkins, Z. M., & Ski, C. F. (2017). Mindfulness mediates the physiological markers of stress: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 95, 156–178. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2017.07.013

[9] Lay, J. C., Pauly, T., Graf, P., & Hoppmann, C. A. (2019). Solitude as an approach to affective self-regulation: Listening to music and engaging in mindfulness mediate the relationship between solitude preference and well-being. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 3142. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.03142

[10] Quaglia, J. T., Braun, S. E., Freeman, S. P., McDaniel, M. A., & Brown, K. W. (2015). From mindful attention to social connection: The key role of emotion regulation. Emotion, 15(5), 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000086